ok at first had decided to slp.. but.. just couldnt slp lor.. but. nvm ka.. used to it.. anyways before this. ermx just as i came online rina n jinghan still here. but they going to slp le also. so i asked them to slp =)) later tml panda no good. anyways.. bored bored bored... hais.. tell ur smthing... now i finally understood something.. i'm just gonna give up on him. he's not meant to be mine. so i wont force myself n i wont force him either.. so i tink its best for me to back off.. hmmmm just suddenly feel dat. someone's being unfair to me. hmmm it was my fault? yes i admit it. but u dun have to treat me like this. jsut f*ck off lor. ok ok no more vulgar. anyway. i just feel tat i m treated differently from my family members lor. i noe i got say this before lor. but going to say it again lor. cos its been in my heart for too long. i need to get it out. anyway. just feel dat. its like ermx. my family treats me differently lor. like all the things i have to do. all u will be hearing in this house will : aishah do this, aishah do tat. aishah wash the clothes. aishah wash the plates. aishah sweep the floor. aishah i'm going out, look after the house. aishah clean the mess. aishah look after ur brothers, u are not to go out. aishah this aishah tat. I AM GETTING SICK OF DOING ALL THIS LOR. seriously. everything me me me me. wat? am i the only pathetic human in the stupid house? am i huh? am i? no i dun tink so its like come on lor. there's still sister, brother, small brother to help with the housework lor. i noe u are working lor. i understand u are doing this for the family lor. but at least think abt my feelings lor. i m only 15 lor. please lor. u dun expect me to be doing all those hmwks lor. wat. i do all the things n ur just wat? live in this house doing NTH at all? wat. why noe u ask me cook for ur as well. tuck ur to bed as well. sing a lullaby for ur also???!! piangs. i noe i am being mean lor. but really need to get this off my chest lor. needs someone to tok to. but dunno who would be willing to listen to my craps lor. haiyo. suan le bah. hear also, nobody can help me also. so like wats the point rite? so i guess ur dun hav to waste ur time reading my entry bah. this is just a waste of ur time..

elaine coming bach this sun i tink. or is it monday. hope she hav fun =)) yeap. taiwan. nice country. where all the superstars come from. yeap.. like ermx hu ar. i forgot. but nvm la. just hope she enjoys herself. n bring back joy. her laughter =))

how i wished i could go out of the country as well... n forget abt my stupid present here in singapore. but i dun tink tat could be done. relatives all went to indonesia for holiday. but me lei? still stay stuck in singapore. well i understand. my family aint earning much. ever since my dad quit his job to become a full time taxi driver.. yeap. i dun blame him. just hope. i could earn money on my own.. n give to this family. maybe let them enjoy life. while i sux in my life. its okie. as long as they are happy. watever to wat happens to me. they wont care anyways.

last week. told jinghan wont be going dere le. maybe a changed of mind. mood swing recently. so ermx forgive me if i did anything wrong. didnt do it on purpose. wasnt in the mood? i tink u all are tired of hearing me saying this every single time. "not in the rite mood". though ur dun say it. i just knew it lor. just. nvm la. i dun mind. i noe ur get sick of hearing. where's the happy aishah? where's the hyper aishah? where's the laughing aishah? nope. she's not gone. she's just here. but she's hiding behind the moody aishah. not wanting to come out. n face the light. some fresh air. maybe she's afraid. if she's happy again. someone will try to ruin it. n she wont come out anymore. maybe? maybe not? how would i noe. evil aishah is out alr. nobody can stop her. she wanna do wat. is up to her. nobody should bother. hmmmmm bored bored bored SIANSATION hais. nth to do le. listening to the same old songs over n over again.. hais. nvm la. tats my life. wat to do.

anyways. stupid holiday hmwk. haven even do. just did maths just now. finished assessment paper set A.. finally.. left assessment set B n the rest of the hmwks.. diaoZzz. n somemore. ermx the social studies. so hard to find. how do u expect us to do sia. hate history. dun wanna take it for poly or jc. oh yeah.. thinking of going jc. but alot of ppl complain. its damn STRESSFUL. but i'm in the middle. was talking abt it with hayati just now. hmmm she say. if her family cant afford her to go jc, she will consider poly.. anyway its up to her really. u study cos of urself. not for ur frens. anyway, whichever sch we go to, we'll still have time to go out with each other. believe me. we'll still be sisters forever =') true frens for eternity.. muachhkkzzz. *cryy* anyway. jc fee is higher i noe tat. but ermx tink to my mum. the fee aint tat important. i tink if she sees me happy studying. tats all she wants to see. i'm gonna give her tat. i tink wat xianqiang say is true. yes maybe they put hopes on me cos they cant put hopes on my sister. all she noes is working n with her boyfriend. cant put hopes on her. put hopes on my brother? his studies is dropping alr. hopes on him? hopes on my p5 brother? he failed everything. n i get blamed for it. they say. i get good grades. ur brother get bad grades. n they blame me for it. oh good. just good. i get blame for tat. so. hu do u tink they will put hopes on? me? cant be? me? not bragging tat my studies are good. they are bad. terribly bad. like hais. if they put hopes on me, why do i get blamed everytime? y do i get punished for not doing a thing i didnt even do, i didnt even see? why? just why? answer me!!! oh well. nvm. i'm toking to the air anyways. wats the point. like. just forget it.

oh great. holidays ending soon. yeapss. left one more week? how i wished i didnt have to go to sch anymore. not now. not forever. but in this world. u need education to live. u eat to live not live to eat. get it? oh nvm. dun tink ur even get it. n see. just by writing this. i have wasted half an hour alr. i just have to waste another half n hour. before i go to slp. yeap..just feel like writing this for everybody:

hayati: thx jie for being there whenever i needed u.. u will always be dere when i needed u.. really grateful for tat. nobody has ever done this to me. not even my oen family.. wished u were my real sister.. u noe when ppl say we somesort of look alike. how happy i was. i really tot u were my real jie at tat moment. but its just a wild thinking of mine. it cant be true. u have ur own family. i have my own family too. though sometimes u show conern to me, n outside i maybe not show it back. but u should noe tat i will always be dere for u as well when u needed me. n i really do care for u. seriously. just wish for u to be happy always. yeaps. love ya forever. muachkkz. ok ppl dun get the wrong idea. i'm not les.fullstop.

rina: rinana. thx fer being there for me.. listen to all my craps.. n all my sorrows.. n being happy with me. share with me ur joy n ur sorrows. n me too.. thx.. n really being my wonderful fren =)) n not leaving me all alone in 3e1. still n share secrets as well.. LOL..remembered. we told each other. we wont pangseh each other. cos in 3e1. i only got u u only got me. though still got other ppl . but. u understand do u. yeapps.. really gratefull stay cheerful always x)) muacchkkz

elaine: elainee thx thx.. elaine my great listener.. yeap.. will be dere to always listen to my craps as well.. n my sorrow.. n she will try to help me x)) really really grateful to her. yeaps.. lub her too much.. x)) chan le chan le.. LOLS.. anyways.. wanna thx elaine cos she always help me if i got problems. well try la.. n n she's a great listener. always find her if got probs. thx deardear..

michelle: yeaps.. thx.. thx fer finding me when u needed someone to tok to.. i should do de same thing to.. dun worry i will.. u will nv be alone de.. thx thx lub u also x))

edwin: dardar. thx. i noe i very moody lor.. den whenever i moody. later he kena by me -.-" really sry nia.. wasnt on purpose. den this dardar ermx i noe he wont abandon me ler.. yeapss.. i noe jiu keyi le.. lols.. n sry hor. still say u no more father day -.-" diaoZzz.. not true hor.. sry sry.. wasnt on purpose de.. really. =P hmmm dardar the best.. muackkzz. LOL

jinghan: yox.. didnt expect ur name to be here? lols.. relax. everybody gets a chance. hahahas. wanna thx jinghan for always being dere to listen to my probs.. still remembered. me sometimes got prob will tell him. he got prob also tell me x)) nice nice.. LOLS. n we'll try to help each other.. yeapps.. lols thx thx.. really grateful to my this counsellor..n giving me all those advices.. thankiew very much.. hmmmm end of year take ur pay x)) JKJK. u wait till i work le den give u. LOLS

joanne tan: deardear. thx fer always being dere fer me.. show me concern.. really touched le =') yeaps.. though we noe each other for only like 6 months for now.. but really. felt like i noe u like since when le.. n always we being hyper tgt =D really grateful to have a fren like u.. thx thx for all the conerns =)) lub u too *muacchhkkzz*

wanying: yox deardear again. hmmm thx.. for being dere fer me also.. n listen to all my stupidness n always advising me to cheer up x)) yes i will dun worry abt me le =)) n always being hyper with me. n ask me to be hyper with u.. LOLS.. thx thx.. luv ya.. *muacchhkkzz*

jasmine: MUMMY.. thx fer being dere when i needed someone to tok to.. n showing ur care for me.. appreciate it =)) thx thx.. lub u alots.. LOLS

zhien: ahma.. thx for behing dere for me also.. really really grateful.. n always laughing with me.. den we laugh at every single thing.. thx thx.. lub u. hehex.

hidayah: thx fer being dere fer me also. a simple "happy bday" on my bday means in ur heart, i m not forgotten. at least thx fer tat.. sisters always =))

sylvia: laopo.. thx fer being dere for me also.. really grateful. den u pay for the taxi fare also.. really maluu le.. sry.. n thx.. lub u also x))

jianshen: yes wanna thx u too.. cos always con at least i'm not alone.. though most of the conversations is *____*, but nvm.. at least got ppl to pei me in the night. yeaps. thx x))

xianqiang: wah duwan ur name to be here ar? den duwan lor.. LOLS. jkjk.. anyways. hmmm thx.. though wat u say i tink is all rubbish la. but really grateful to have a fren like u.. yes. this is from the bottom of my heart u DFZ. LOLS.. guess it urself. i'm not gonna tell u. yeapss.. man man guess bah. LOLS.. anyway overall a big thx..

everyone... just wanna say a BIG THX to all of u.. for always being dere for me.. when i'm happy.. when i'm sad.. thx thx.. changsheng.. yanting. pamela.. u all out dere.. really big thx.. mark., tyfin.. huili.. dawn... thx thx.. n if i didnt write ur name.. make ur name appear in my tagboard.. n i'll include it =D thx thx. i lub u all..

hmmmmmmmmmmmm really wanna go.. tinking of going.. no i shoudlnt go.. it will make everyone worry.. but i really wanna go. need to get this off my chest.. nono. shouldnt go.. yes yes i should go.. ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i'm going to be crazy alr.. arhhh.. ok tink i type alot le.. hmmm happy reading bah... thx. n remember to tag.. thx..